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Human beings are generally unpredictable, you fall in love with a person who seems to possess all the qualities of a good spouse, and then some few months or years after your wedding you realise that all that glitters is not gold. Many are those who contemplate separation or divorce when they realise that their spouses were not who they claimed to be prior to the marriage. What then should be the response of a Christian spouse who discovers that his or her spouse has changed in character and has become a source of worry and trouble in the marriage? The Christian response is to be the wise-fool. Yes, be the wise-fool if you wish to have a long-lasting marriage where your children will grow in a two-parent home even as you work towards fulfilling your marriage vows and God’s will. 1 Corinthians 13-4-7 is the definition of a wise-fool, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” The wise-fool possesses unconditional love. 

It is not God’s will for a spouse to divorce after marriage. “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.  And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:8-9) Apart from unfaithfulness in marriage which I believe can be forgiven, although Scripture states categorically clear that it is a legitimate grounds for divorce, we are to endure all other challenges that may surface in our Christian marriages as wise-fools. 

Being a the wise-fool means loving and enduring a difficult spouse. There are spouses who become unreasonably difficult to live with in the marriage relationship. They become unsupportive and make unrealistic demands of their wives or husbands. Most often than not, resorting to divorce will have dire consequences for our children and the long years of investments done together with the troublesome spouse. A Christian husband or wife who is at the receiving end of these challenges must draw closer to God and become the wise-fool in the relationship. Being the wise-fool in a turbulent marriage is difficult but with grace, faith, and spiritual maturity it is possible. 

The spouse who is the wise-fool is able to handle a quick-tempered and impatient husband or wife, a wise-fool is able to co-exist with an insensitive, indifferent and stubborn husband or wife. Truly, a wise-fool possesses the unique qualities of the fruit of the Spirit which are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control;..” (Galatians 5:22-23). A wise-fool must be a husband or wife who must learn to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Prayer keeps the wise-fool strong and going when discouragement and disappointment keep coming from the troublesome spouse. 

No condition is permanent, God is able to intervene in a number of ways, the troublesome or hard-hearted spouse may eventually repent and live according to the will of God. The troublesome spouse may divorce the wise-fool in order to continue with his or her miserable life. This is true but sad, the troublesome spouse may find himself in a precarious situation as a result of his or her unreasonable and selfish choices in life. I need you to re-examine your life, are you a god-fearing, good, and caring spouse? Are you the wise-fool or are you the troublesome, selfish, and unreasonable spouse giving your wife or husband so much reason to regret ever marrying you in the first place? Are you the spouse who is in the habit of bringing so much pain and frustration into the life of your husband or wife? Do not take the sacrifices and the love of your wise-fool partner or spouse for granted, for a time will come you will look for him or her and he or she will be nowhere to be found. Cherish your husband or wife and honour your marriage vows to him or her. This admonishment goes to both spouses, “For the man or the woman who does not love his or her spouse but divorces him or her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his or her garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”( Malachi 2 :16 my own emphasis)

This is a caveat for the faithful and wise-fool spouses, do not be a wise-fool in a physically abusive or violent marriage. You may be a wise fool in a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage but please stay away from a physically abusive marriage, you have a beautiful life to live even as a divorcee. Many wise-fools have died in abusive marriages or have had to develop life-threatening medical conditions because of the persistent physical abuse or domestic violence they experienced in their marriages. May the Lord mend the troubles in struggling marriages and restore joy and peace in these marriages. Shalom 

Jean-Paul Agidi