In the days of old, when life was simple and predictable it was easier to find a spouse. Married couples and their children lived together for a considerable number of years before parents hit an empty nest.
Finding the right spouse is as important as falling in love with the right person. It is sad to note that some people only discover later in their marriage that they are incompatible when it comes to their individual occupations and aspirations. Those who try to manage the situation most often create challenges for themselves and the proper upbringing of their children.
Marriage must not be endured but enjoyed. This is God’s wish and blessing for couples. After the fall of mankind in Genesis 3, Adam the husband would have to work to feed his family, thus God said “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow, you will eat your food (Genesis 3:17-19). On the other hand, Eve, Adam’s wife would have to produce babies through pain and predominantly be reserved to the domestic sphere, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labour, you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. (Genesis 3:16). We deduce that God established an agrarian economy where the man would have to use manpower to produce food, his wife on the other hand stays home and produces babies. Male children will become the workforce of their father whether in crop farming or animal farming. The female children will continue to help their mother with domestic chores and take care of the younger ones. Life was simple! Women knew their roles in marriage and family life and they had a choice of either marrying a farmer or a shepherd or a man who was both a farmer and a shepherd.
Fast forward to our modern and complex society, education and industrialisation have created a new social arrangement. Men and women are socially and legally the same in terms of status, although, according to Christianity, the man is regarded as the primus inter pares (first among equals) in the marriage or as the head of the family.
The later part of the 20th century and the era of the 21st century poses a great challenge to marriage and family life. The youth of our time need to be circumspect when selecting a prospective spouse. Career permutation must be one of the most important factors to consider when searching for a spouse. A person falls in love based on the qualities or attributes of the other person. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with falling in love with someone while critically considering the person’s career and future aspirations. Some career paths and professions are incompatible. It may be compatible to the extent that both couples could still manage their marriage life but it is incompatible when family life becomes a matter of great importance or consideration.
Some careers or professions are time-consuming and rigid in reality. These careers or professions take a person’s whole life but give him or her adequate compensation. We would realise that such careers make it possible for a husband or wife to substantially contribute financially to the family but woefully perform when it comes to spending quality time and providing spousal and parental emotional support to his or her spouse and children respectively.
On the other hand, some professions do not guarantee financial abundance and wealth within the shortest time of employment yet they give you independence and flexibility to contribute substantially to your marriage and family life holistically. A person who finds himself or herself in such professions can support his or her spouse, focus on parental roles and have a great influence on his or her children. It is even better if both parents find themselves in professions or careers that guarantee independence, flexibility and abundance of time for marriage and family life.
I am sure my readers would be expecting me to make a list of professions or careers a person can consider suitable for marriage and family life. Sorry to disappoint you! You and your prospective spouse are the best people to reflect on your dreams and aspirations and determine whether your career permutations will enable you to either endure or enjoy marriage and family life. This is a critical consideration many young people overlook during the dating stage of their relationship. When we overlook serious issues today, we live to encounter them another day. In other words, if you fail to consider the hard questions during your dating, these questions will remain unanswered but will surely come back to you in the future in a more complex situation.
One of the main reasons, indiscipline or waywardness is becoming rampant with the 21st-century child and youth is that parental attention is almost nonexistent in most homes, mostly due to career conflict or incompatibility between the professions of spouses. Parents are left with no options but to rely on caretakers who are sometimes immature adolescents or youth who are themselves victims of the vicious circle and complex society we find ourselves.
It is important to add that, where spouses do not have adequate time for marriage and family life, grandparents are able to mitigate the challenges of parenting and family life. Grandparents are able to provide a buffer against the challenges of parenting especially for couples or spouses who are faced with the challenges of incompatible careers. Our grandparents remain the most valuable and reliable family relations in the world. It is necessary to pay attention to our ageing parents. The healthier our parents are, the more helpful they become to us in the future. They are our refuge and first point of call in times of career-conflict-related challenges in family life.
In conclusion, searching for a spouse would have been simple if the world had remained the way it was in the days of old. However, society became complex through education, urbanization, and industrialisation thereby rendering the search for a suitable spouse a challenging task for humanity. Marriage and family life will certainly be influenced and determined by the profession of the spouse one marries in the 21st Century and beyond. May the Lord grant us the grace to find suitable spouses to enable us to have a meaningful marriage and fulfilling family life.
Jean-Paul Agidi (Rev)
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