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CASE BRIEF

Misunderstanding between a husband and a wife that borders on the issue of sex. The husband has brought his wife to the Christian court because his wife most often denies him sex in the marriage.

Plaintiff – Mr Alfred Asor

Defendant – Mrs Caroline Asor

Judge – Jean-Paul Agidi.

HEARING:

Judge Jean-Paul: Mr Asor can please tell the court why you are here?

Mr Asor: Your Honour, the woman standing over there is my lawfully married wife. We have been married for the past three years without a child. I believe I have been a loving and responsible husband to her. I provide all her needs and everything she asks of me, so long as it is within my means I make sure that my wife is well taken care of. Six months after our wedding I realised that my wife had developed the habit of often giving excuses when I approached her for sex. Your Honour, I have observed that she is often excited and active during sexual intercourse only after she has received a gift or financial compensation from me. I usually give her money for her monthly upkeep during the first week of the month. I must confess that I enjoy sex with my wife during the first week of the month. After the first week of the month, when I approach my wife to have sex with her she often says ” I am not in the mood for sex” or sometimes “I am not feeling well” When I attempt to excite her or touch her in a way that will sexually arouse her, she gets angry at me and accuses me of trying to force her to have sex. Your honour, sometimes I am tempered to engage in extra-marital affairs or patronise the services of prostitutes because of my wife’s repulsive behaviour when I approach her for us to have sex. In fact, I am losing my patience and will soon consider divorce if this continues.

Judge Jean-Paul: Mrs Asor, do have any defence to the claims made by your husband against you?

Mrs Asor: Your honour, It is true my husband loves and cares for me but that does not give him the right to have sex with me anytime he wants. You can ask him, how many times do I disturb him with sex? I don’t worry him with sex. Why is it that anytime he approaches me for sex I must give in to his request? My body is mine and I determine when I want to have sex. In fact, I am not the type of woman who thinks that sex is the only way to satisfy a husband. I cook for him and do his laundry. What else does my husband want me to do for him to know that I also care for him? Besides, your Honour, I belong to a Bible study and prayer group in my church. Our pastor organises prayer and fasting every last week of the month. We are not to engage in sex or any form of worldly pleasure as part of our fasting. During this period my husband will still approach me for sex after he has seen me praying and reading my Bible. I don’t think I am his problem, I think his lack of self-control is his problem.

Judge Jean-Paul- Mrs Asor, how many times do you think you engage in sexual intercourse with your husband in a month?

Mrs Asor: One or two times a month, your Honour

Judge Jean-Paul – Mr, Asor do you attend the same church with your wife and does she inform you about her fasting days?

Mr Asor: No, Your Honour, we agreed that after our wedding ceremony, she would become a member of our church but since the time we got married, she has refused to join me at my church. We both attend separate churches. Again, I am never aware nor has she informed me about her prayer and fasting days. It is only when I approach her for sex that she will shout at me “Can’t you see that I am fasting?” and then she will push me away.

Judge Jean-Paul- Mrs Asor, do you deny what your husband just said?

Mrs Asor: No, your Honour, but if he claims he is a true Christian then he must be able to tell whether a person is fasting or not!

Judgement

Judge Jean-Paul: In the Christian Court the Bible is our law for settling issues, therefore, the determination of the issues brought before the Christian Court shall be resolved using the Bible.

The main issues identified from the claims made by the parties are

1. Whether or not Mrs Asor a legally married woman can suo motu or on her own volition deny her husband sex without any just cause?
2. Whether or not Mrs Asor owns her body as a wife in a Christian marriage?

On the first issue of whether or not Mrs Asor, a legally married woman, can on her own volition, deny her husband sex without any just cause? In resolving this issue, I wish to state that sex in marriage was not created solely for the man or the woman. God created sex on the principle of complementary partnership. In other words, sex is a gift from God to both the husband and the wife. The gift of sex to humanity has two important components, and these are procreation and pleasure. Firstly, sex is important for procreation when God said that “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. (Genesis 1:27-28). Secondly, sex is important for pleasure, for this reason, Paul wrote to the Christians in Corinth that “since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. (1 Corinthians 7:2). To deny one’s spouse sex without any just cause is to render irrelevant God’s gift and also to prevent oneself and one’s partner from enjoying the divine gift of procreation and pleasure. In fact, sex for the purposes of procreation and pleasure is not just a gift from God to humanity but a commandment to be obeyed by Christian couples. There is nowhere in the Bible that provides or states that one of the essential conditions for a spouse to have sex is that he or she must be in the mood. God has so designed sex in such a way that even if one is not in the mood, the sexual mood can be activated through the process of intimate and consensual touch, the meeting of the minds and emotions. For a spouse to say that he or she is not in a mood is not a just cause for excusing oneself from sexual intercourse. No human being is perpetually in the mood for sex, God has given us the gift and power of the will so that we choose to get ourselves into the mood or allow ourselves to be led into the mood by our sexual partner or spouse. Even if a spouse is not in the mood, Paul instructs us that “The husband should fulfil his marital (conjugal) duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3). Again, whether a spouse is in the mood for sex or not, it is his or her duty to satisfy his or her partner’s sexual need. We are admonished in Proverbs 5:15,18-20 to “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well…May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife (or husband) of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer —may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love. Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman? In other words, once a person is married, he or she must derive sexual satisfaction from his or her spouse, for this reason, it is totally out of place to deny one’s spouse his or her sexual satisfaction or pleasure. It is also important to note that what makes the marriage subsist and valid is when both spouses continue to be of one flesh. The only way to be of one flesh is through sexual intimacy. “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24). Amongst other things, sex must be enjoyed and honoured so long as one’s partner is alive. In other words, couples must have sex devoid of any encumbrance till death separate them. We are told in Ecclesiastes 9:9 to “Enjoy life with your wife (spouse), whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days.” In light of the foregoing established Scriptures on sex between legally married believers, I rule on issue one that a spouse does not have the authority on his or her own to deny the husband or wife sex without any just cause since they mutually own and share each other’s body. The just cause is established when a reasonable person in the position of a spouse seeking to have sex can tell that apart from the trivial excuse of his or her partner not being in the mood, he or she is in fact suffering from a physical injury or psychological condition which medically will make it impossible for him or her to engage in sexual intercourse at that material moment. Another just cause is when both parties have agreed to undertake a spiritual exercise devoid of sexual intercourse as found in 1 Corinthians 7:5, “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” If a just cause is established, then we must turn to exercise self-control until such a time that one’s partner or both partners are sexually fit. It must, however, be noted that a spouse must not be expected to exercise self-control when no just cause has been established to excuse his or her partner from sex. Accordingly, I rule that Mrs Asor has no legitimate reason, on her own volition to deny Mr Asor sexual pleasure with the excuse that she is not in the mood, since such an excuse does not constitute a just cause.

The Second Issue, is whether or not Mrs Asor owns her body as a wife in a Christian marriage? In Christian marriage, the husband and the wife are joined together as one entity and that makes them mutually own each others’ bodies. “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2:24. It is for this reason, “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:4). Consequently, I hold that in Christian marriage, a spouse’s body is shared with his or her spouse. Mrs Asor must actively participate in sexual intercourse with Mr Asor as and when she is needed to do so, because she has through her union with Mr Asor, given implied consent, full and uninhibited right or access to him to share sexual intimacy with her. Accordingly, Mrs Asor has grossly erred by believing that she still owned her body in marriage. It is important for her to understand that before a believer marries he or she totally owns his or her body and is independent from any other person but once a believer enters into a marriage blessed by God and guided by the Bible, it becomes a Christian marriage. In such a marriage, a spouse fully shares his or her body with his or her partner. Shalom.