WINNING A BROTHER (GENESIS 32:9-21

REFLECTION
Winning a brother is the theme for reflection. To win someone means to persuade someone to agree with you, often when they are opposed to you. Winning a brother means making amends with a brother who has hitherto been angry or disappointed with you. We shall reflect on the importance of pacification in the process of reconciliation.

Dear friends, it is important to go to the reconciliation table with the intention or willingness to pacify that person you owe and have offended in the past. Sometimes, we get into trouble when we take or keep what does not belong to us and as a result we get into trouble with the rightful owners. What do you do if you honestly wish to reconcile with a person you owe or have taken something valuable from? Jacob teaches us an important lesson to first acknowledge one’s guilt, and then, make amends by pacifying the person we have offended. To pacify means to cause someone who is angry or upset to be calm and satisfied. How do we do this? We recall that Jacob cheated his brother by tricking their father into giving him the rightful blessings of Esau. “Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, “The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob.” (Genesis 27:41). For many years, Jacob lived with the guilt and anxiety of the brother returning to harm or settle scores with him. It was time for the two brothers to meet again after many years and Jacob was determined to reconcile with his brother by first pacifying him as a sign of remorse for hurting him in the past.

He first prayed for God’s intervention in the reconciliation process when he prayed, “Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. (Genesis 32:11) Secondly, he took a step to pacify his brother even before meeting him physically, “He also instructed the second, the third and all the others who followed the herds: “You are to say the same thing to Esau when you meet him. ²⁰ And be sure to say, ‘Your servant Jacob is coming behind us.’” For he thought, “I will pacify him with these gifts I am sending on ahead; later, when I see him, perhaps he will receive me.” ²¹ So Jacob’s gifts went on ahead of him, but he himself spent the night in the camp.” (Genesis 32:19-21) The lesson is that before we engage in reconciliation or peace talks with those we have offended, let us learn to pacify them in as much as it is practicable or within our power or strength if we owe them something more than a mere apology. It is for this reason that Paul wrote to Philemon to reconcile with Onesimus who had stolen from him when he wrote “If he (Onesimus) has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me. ¹⁹ I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand. I will pay it back” (Philemon 1:18-19) The act of pacification communicates one’s willingness to genuinely amend difference, reconcile and to “live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18).

It is morally wrong to keep the property of someone in your possession while desiring to reconcile or make peace with the person. Pacification is not alien to our African culture. During arbitrations at the chief’s palace or before the elders, a person who is found to have offended another person is made to pacify the victim through a set of items prescribed by the arbitration. Some of us have taken loans from friends and siblings for many years and have deliberately refused to pay with numerous excuses? In some instances, the said money has even lost its economic value. It will be prudent and reasonable to pay interest to pacify the person whose money you have kept for quite some time now. Some of us are keeping houses, lands and chattels that do not belong to us, and their rightful owners are bitter and unhappy with us. It is important to pacify the person even as you apologize and seek for reconciliation for hurting him or her in the past.

It is instructive to note that, although Jacob tried to pacify Esau, Esau did not accept the gift of pacification although he forgave his brother. Esau acknowledged the intention of Jacob’s remorse and the purpose of his pacification. In the end, the most important thing happened, love, reconciliation and peace were restored after many years of bitter separation and disappointment. It is now our turn to forgive a sibling, friend, child, parent or colleague who has offended you greatly. You do not desire to forgive him because it is easy to do it or you are happy to do it, but you are willing to forgive because it is in our nature as disciples of Jesus and the children of God to follow the example of Jesus when He said on the cross ““Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34) and also taught us to pray “forgive us our debts (sins), as we also have forgiven our debtors (Sins).” (Matthew 6:12)

In summary, we have learnt about the importance of pacification in the process of reconciliation or winning the people we might have offended as a result of denying them their rightful possessions or entitlements.

PRAYER
Holy Spirit, grant us the humility and discernment to acknowledge our guilts, seek reconciliation, and to live in peace with those we have offended in the past. Amen