Marriage is a lifelong affair. It requires constant attention from both couples. The discernment to know which issues to pay attention to and which issues to ignore in the marital journey has been the challenge of most couples. Trivialities are insignificant issues that pop up in marriage. Trivialities are simply things that distract couples from focusing their attention on the real and important issues of life.
The following are some Trivialities in a relationship or marriage we must try not to pay attention to:
- Frequently Paying attenting to issues that are not habitual of your spouse may amount to triviality.
In Africa, wives usually have the responsibility of preparing food for the household. It should be expected that once in a while their meals will not be as delicious as it has always been. When your wife’s meal does not taste as delicious as expected because of less or too much salt or spices, the most important thing is to draw her attention to it in a loving and respectful manner. She may have a reasonable explanation for the unpleasant taste, even if she does not, she must be pardoned because that is not the usual taste of her food. It is improper and trivial for a husband to hold a grudge, scold his wife and even compare her food with that of others. Certainly, this is a trivial issue and must be avoided. The least talked about it, the better. There is an adage in Ewe that says “tɔme de lae gbana zɛ”, the errand person who fetches water from the stream is mostly likely to be the pot breaker.
2. Refusal to communicate with one’s spouse during the period of annoyance.
No matter how angry we are, communication is indispensable in our marriage life. Completely tuning off and refusing to communicate with one’s spouse is a trivial character that can have dire consequences on the marriage, especially in times of emergency. For instance, switching off your phone or refusing to pick up your spouse’s call just because you are angry at him or her. Such behaviour could lead to irreparable damage and regrettable future consequences. There may be a life and death issue that requires your attention but at that material time because of anger, you have refused to pick up the call. No matter how angry you are pick up your spouse’s call or respond to his or her messages.
3. Shouting or screaming at your spouse in the presence of others
No one has ever won a trophy for disgracing the spouse in public, rather it leads to unfortunate ramifications. It is trivial to overreact when issues pop up. Every person has their own strengths and weakness. Marriage enables us to share our strengths and support each other to overcome our weaknesses. It is a total failure to expose one’s spouse’s weakness or disgrace him or her in public. Couples who live in compound houses must guard against this temptation. One may never experience the full blessings of his or her spouse if he or she is in the habit of magnifying his or her spouse’s weakness and disgracing him or her before family, friends and neighbours. It is even most trivial to discuss your spouse with your children in his or her absence, it is completely unacceptable and may lead to division in the family.
4. Strong jealousy and possessive character
It is important to note that before a couple gets married, they hitherto had friends and other acquaintances. Some of these people played significant roles in the life of your spouse and will continue to do so, so long as that bond of friendship remains. We must be patient and get to know all the friends who matter to our spouse and have an appreciable knowledge of who they are and what they mean to our spouse. We may end up destroying long-standing and time-tested relationships just because of a character of strong jealousy and possessive character. We must exhibit mutual respect for one another and towards the friends of our spouses. Putting up an attitude that suggests they are not welcomed to your house nor come close to your spouse is completely trivial. Such an approach may be warranted if there is overwhelming evidence of infidelity from a spouse or strong suspicion of unfaithfulness from your spouse. Remember, the friends we have in life can be a source of blessings and support to us in uncountable ways.
5. Unnecessarily browsing through the contacts and messages of your partner.
The habitual and constant habit of searching through your spouse or partners phone is completely trivial. Your spouse is always available to answer any question concerning anything that is bothering your mind. Unnecessarily browsing through your spouse’s phone raises unnecessary suspicion and tension in the marriage or relationship.
6. Becoming obsessed with your spouse’s bodily perfection.
The body coupled with its weaknesses will certainly go through transformations as the years go by. It is trivial to consistently show exhibit signs of anxiety over the looks of your spouse’s. There are some things we cannot change in life. One of such things is the look of a person. Some husbands or men have with time without number bought cosmetic drugs for their wives or partners for the purpose of breast, hip and buttocks enhancement. There are instances these cosmetic drugs are used to the detriment of their wives. On the other hand, some wives who are displeased with the size of their husband’s penis and sexual performance, encourage them to consume penis enhancement concoctions which sometimes have adverse effect on their health. It is sad to note that some husbands encourage their wives to bleach their skins under the pretext of skin toning. The earlier we begin to appreciate the fact that our spouse’s body is part of their being and personality the better it is.
7. Retaliation
Retaliation is an act of revenge on account of a wrong done to us. In other words “Tom and Jerry” kind of marriage. Marriage is not a warfare or a battlefield. It is trivial to retaliate in marriage. It does not encourage a healthy relationship and development of the marriage. No one marries his or her enemy, therefore we must resist the temptation of retaliation in marriage. Retaliation breeds bitterness which leads to an environment of suspicion and enmity.
8. Destroying property and refusing to eat.
We have already spoken about anger but it will suffice to mention that it is trivial to destroy properties and refuse to eat at home because of anger. Uncontrolled anger leads to destruction and spousal abuse in some cases.
In conclusion, to avoid trivialities in our marriages and relationships we must apply this Biblical principle, “… whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8). May the Lord grant us the spirit of discernment to decipher between that which is important and that which is trivial in our marriage. Shalom
Jean-Paul Agidi (Rev)
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